Why I am a Christian? - 03.01.1998 By: B. Hearn

You must consider Grace to begin to understand why anyone becomes a Christian. Grace is the unmerited divine gift of the true knowledge of Jesus Christ; our redeemer who reconciles us with the Creator. You have probably heard the phrase "saved by grace." Cherished by Christians, it is foreign to the unsaved skeptic who finds this concept absurd and devoid of reason. I know this from personal experience and from observing other skeptics over the years. I grew up in a culture that infuses a perspective contrary to this simple belief. The world tells us there is no free lunch and you had better be scrappy if you want to make it to the top. How can peace, joy and salvation be a free gift in an exacting world where all so-called good experiences come with a price?

I recently received the gift of salvation at the age of 31, prior to which I was agnostic and skeptical about God and Christianity. I used to believe the existence of a supernatural creator was unknowable. My worldview then was based on practicality and naturalism.- that we were merely intelligent animals subject to our own natural desires and doing what works best for us. I could well relate to the lyrics of a song by the rock group Rush; “[we are] genetic blends, with uncertain ends, on a fortune hunt that’s far too fleet.” Of course this is true to a point: We are animals with genes and we tend to do what we think works best for us. However, these truths leave a lot to be desired when dealing with many of life’s tougher issues. Fortunately there are greater Truths to liberate us from this shallow view.

An obsession with technology greatly influenced my worldview. This may sound a bit sensational but I think it’s appropriate when taken in context of the last 24 years of my life. At the age of ten, my future profession was laid out before me in the form of a Christmas gift from my grandfather. That morning many years ago I unwrapped a 100-In-One Electronic Projects Kit from Radio Shack. I quickly assembled a trivial exercise involving only three wires and hurried into the living room with my completed creation in hand. As I approached a lamp on the table and light cast down on my project, a meter indicator moved steadily upward. In total amazement and excitement I thought; “how can light cause this needle to move?” Well, this was only the beginning and from that day forward I knew my calling. Over the next decade I built all kinds of electronic gadgets and wrote computer software for fun. I spent much of my savings, spare time and energy acquiring as much technology as I could. The sense of wonder can be a powerful motivator. We have all had the experience of successfully solving a tough problem or challenge ending in a resounding “yes!” For technology-junkies like myself this experience is somewhat addictive and I believe it can even influence one’s worldview. The other day a younger colleague of mine said “technology!” – when I asked him what his religious beliefs were. He wasn’t being too serious, but I understand the subtle reality behind his answer and know firsthand how enticing the world of technology can be. But technology is merely applied science, and it is science I want to look at.

Science is the state of knowing, especially when obtained by the preferred methods of scientists. I do not want to critique science en masse since it obviously has practical value, unless one wishes to argue that all of man’s achievement through science is bad. However, given all science has to offer it cannot answer life's ultimate questions. For example, when presented with the problem: “What caused the universe at the instant of the big bang?” science is speechless. You must either brand the question 'absurd' or slip out of science and into philosophy. Fair enough, science cannot deal with this and many other problems. But if science is the cornerstone of your worldview, such questions may not even be worth asking. It is simply less frustrating to ignore things for which you have no methodology for tackling. Now I imagine if God revealed the knowledge of the cause of the universe to even the most ardent skeptic, he’d make an exception just this once and admit the question is not absurd. But often we let science hamstring our worldview growth as we struggle with issues it was never intended to, or ever could address. The cause of the universe may not be the most experientially relevant issue to stump science, but there are plenty of other momentous concerns for which science is silent or at least a weak methodology.

I used to refer to the world according to science as the big picture. Each piece of the puzzle I uncovered made the picture clearer and broader. When you invest time and effort reading, studying and experimenting you start to assign value to the results. The results are your ideas, assertions, beliefs and works that arise from your effort. Anyone or anything that counters or shortcuts your results is usually thought of as having a most annoying nature. Do you think scientists capitulate with a smile as their assertions are challenged; assertions that are the result of potentially extensive research? Of course not - as we sometimes bond with our ideas and beliefs, and the products of them. The stoical type will tell you that they are free from this shortcoming, disconnecting their emotions from intellectual pursuits. But from what little I have observed, their actions demonstrate they are no different than anyone else. Combining this form of ownership with the fact no one likes to be wrong, inflexibility is the usual result when we perceive a devaluation of our beliefs or even when our views are challenged.

After twenty years from my first exposure to the world of science I had become arrogant, skeptical and stubborn when dealing with the issues of ‘life, the universe, and everything.’ I use the title of the book by Douglas Adams because it is interesting how science has become the all-powerful tool of choice for many of us today - regardless of the subject. When I was in grade school I might have thought of science when biology or chemistry were mentioned. Now it is how we communicate our position in all sorts of areas, ranging from raising children to politics. As a software developer I would be hard-pressed to get much done without a computer so I do appreciate the products and methods of science. But let's face it, it’s not The Way. At some point in our lives most of us come face to face with more meaningful issues like; origin, morality and duty, pain and suffering, death and destiny. The skeptic who looks solely to Science for his answers to these issues will be left empty-handed or with the products of personal preference. The scientific method and available data are simply incapable of shedding much light on these lofty subjects, especially when dealing with questions of “why.” Christianity however has much to say about these things. I’ve heard a lot of arguments why this or that Christian belief is unscientific: but one thing that is tough to argue is the notion the Bible does not clearly disclose the answers to life’s deepest questions. It may be a matter of disbelief, but it is not a matter of "lacking clarification."

The Bible provides a solid foundation for one's perspective on life, the universe and everything. When establishing one’s worldview, what could be more relevant than origin, truth, purpose, morality, duty and destiny? How can we be satisfied with the views of chance, meaninglessness, pointlessness, situational ethics, conceit and finitude? We do not have to arrive at these by default. There was a time in my life where I would have shrugged my shoulders and thought, “oh well, without any scientific substantiation, what choice do I have?” But is not the agnostic approach merely the lazy way out, providing a convenient excuse to ignore the intellectual challenge before us? Why did I not feel life is pointless when it is the only logical conclusion one can draw from a universe without God? Why did it trouble me to think about what transpired from t-minus one second[1] to the instant of the Big Bang, if God does not exist? Why not draw the conclusion life is purposed and the universe the result of intelligent cause by default, since science is silent on these issues? Now this may raise the concern: “What about Occam’s razor?[2]” But what do you suppose we shave off from the position of having our heads buried deep in the sand? Everything above the shoulders no doubt and perhaps our eternal destiny as well. It has been my experience it comes down to intent rather than content which guides us as we consider life, the universe and everything. That is, our desires override our reason in many cases. So maybe we should ask ourselves: Is it by reason or by will I draw my conclusions; and do I simply desire to not know God?

Now this sort of thinking never occurred to me until recently. Rather, it was a tragic event nearly upon me at the age of 31- that is what diverted my path. My life was going fairly well up until that point, or so I thought. I won’t go into all of the unpleasant details, but for the first time in my life I felt real despair with no solution in sight. Something in the back of my mind kept nagging me in my anguish and I reluctantly thought, “God I’m going trust you.” I knew about Jesus Christ from going to church several times in my years as a teenager. I guess it only seemed reasonable to be more specific (at this point I knew little of the Holy Spirit.) What is the point in taking a leap of faith if you have no idea which direction to leap? So I thought, and said, “Jesus, please hear this prayer - I believe, as best I can, you are the way to God, and I put my faith and trust in you.” Of course I also pleaded for help. Not that this will always happen, but the near-tragedy was miraculously averted. Later I asked for the forgiveness of sin, that is once I began to have an inkling of what was sin. I was then baptized in my church at 31. It took suffering and a gentle nudge by the Holy Spirit to transition me to a point where God could begin to work on me. This is the point where one lets go and lets God; it is the point of submitting your will to His. This was not an easy point to come to, part in need, part in defiance, yet He accepted me anyway. As C. S. Lewis wrote: "The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation.[3]"

I told the story of my conversion to a skeptic a few years later and he replied; “oh, so you needed a crutch to get you through your despair.” Absolutely! For the first time in my life I decided to look outside of myself for hope, knowing nothing in this world could really help me. So I turned to God. There is no doubt one can formulate a reasonable earthly explanation for my actions. But what happens after your assent is the amazing part – and that must be experienced. When the near-tragedy was averted, I could have reneged and drifted back to my old position. But the Spirit of God kept pushing me along. I noticed this especially when I relinquished my will to God through some thought or action and in return felt unsettled as if I were losing my worldliness. When I chose my will over God’s, my worldly concerns were satisfied at the expense of my spiritual connection to the Father. The newfound peace and understanding became distant in return for my disobedience. To put it in Christian terms: I consistently felt the conflict (and still do today of course) between my flesh and God’s will for me, and this is actually very reaffirming. What else causes me to step out of my comfort-zone and into the unknown? What drives me towards the often difficult Absolutes and away from the deceivingly attractive offerings of the world? Putting aside for a moment all of the philosophical reasons why I now believe in God, the spiritual conflict within is a daily reminder of my reliance on Christ.

Returning to the starting point of my journey as a new Christian, I remember praying with my pastor in his office where he said; “may God reveal himself to you.” At the time I was a little uncomfortable about this because I had both misunderstood what he meant and decided from the outset that I didn’t need proof! After all, my new faith was going to be on one side of the brain, reason on the other and a big gap in between - the modern two-story epistemology. Several months later at a new Bible study group I confidently expressed how reason and faith are mutually exclusive. A friend in the group gave me a book by C. S. Lewis and later audiocassettes by Ravi Zacharias. I was very skeptical in both cases because I knew exactly what she was up to. But praise God for those who pass on the Truth in His name. She and my pastor both knew that you don’t need to check your brain out at the door when you come to worship. In fact, seeking God’s boundless wisdom and Truth is the greatest intellectual pursuit one can undertake. Jesus is the ‘light of the world’ and He opens the door for us to receive that which is truly priceless: a relationship with our heavenly Father, peace, joy, purpose, wisdom and a continual stirring of our sense of wonder. I believe God wants us to pursue the Truth and share the good news with others, even though we sometimes miss the mark. By the gracious revelation and guidance of the Holy Spirit I hope to get closer. I conclude with the succinct words of the Apostle Paul on the grace of God - a level field and an equal opportunity for us all. “There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:22-24